E3 2017 - the Ubisoft press conference.

Annnd I'm starting late!  What is with all the press conferences starting on time this year?

Clearly, someone down there is not screwing up in the customary fashion!  Annnywho - hey look, the rumored Mario + Rabbids Kingdom Battle is actually a thing!  Looks like... a third-person shooter?

Exclusive to Switch (naturally).

Pretty presentation.  Holy shit it's like an XCOM tactics game.  Launches August 28th.

Oop - looks like Assassin's Creed is up.  Unless these Egyptian heiroglyphs are misleading me...

Egypt "fundamentally challenged us to reinvent what it means to be Assassin's Creed."

Wow a lot of wildlife being shown.  Antelopes and crocs and lions and flamingos and hyenas and horses.  Now it's a bunch of people being mean to each other, with like swords and such.  Very pretty!

It's one of those slow-mo-to-a-cool-song trailers Ubi likes to do to show off their graphics engines.  And now they're talking to some guys who aren't in the press conference, and he's playing AC Origins on a little off-screen monitor so we can barely see anything!  Brilliant.

Apparently we'll get 30 minutes direct-feed later.  Okay?

Now it sounds like The Crew II or whatever Ubi's racer was called.

Prerendered trailer.  Street racing, going in to offroad.  Suggestion of planes.  Definitely planes.  Jetboats.  Yep - The Crew 2. 

In-game footage now.  Huh the lighting engine feels a little weird in full sunlight. They're going through normal street races, jetboats, offroading, planes.... certainly ambitious.

Coming early 2018. 

Oh shit South Park!  Just a new trailer.  Still - hyyype.

Now they're talkin' VR with... Elijah fucking Wood.  Looks like a sort-of-horror thing. Transference - coming Spring 2018.

Now something underwater... 1721.  Sounds piratey.

Oh tell me we're getting a pure pirate game from Ubisoft.  Ubisoft Singapore (noted here as the lead dev) created the sailing for ACIII.  Totally prerendered.  Inspiring.  Skull & Bones. 

"A tactical action game where we take that naval combat to the next level."  Awesome!

Takes place in "a shared systemic world" where you can play solo or with your friends.  There will be "seasons," in the pursuit of becoming the "ultimate pirate kingpin."  And now they're going to show a 5v5 PvP match.

Oh cool it actually shows the winds on the minimap. Awesome.

"The world of Skull & Bones is one that evolves.  When you act, it reacts."  Now another prerendered trailer...

Looks like a Kracken is about to attack. But then it doesn't!  Alrighty.

Coming fall 2018, all major platforms (see: not Switch or Vita).

And now Just Dance is up and if you'll excuse me I am going to check out mentally.

Damnit, I kept watching people dancing on Ubi's E3 stage and now I'm dumber for it.

Coming out this October.  Why did I pay attention to that?

Oh awesome it's South Park again!  A South Park smart phone game where the kids play as cowboys.  Phone Destroyer coming 2017 and I have no idea what the gameplay even is lol.

Now it's a... sci-fi game for Switch.  Looks like you buy physical accessories to pimp your ship in the game.  Coming 2018, lists all major platforms.  Huh.  Starlink.

This is like the next-gen buy-little-crap-to-use-in-game title lol. You can buy the upgrades physically or digitally well that's nice isn't it bluhhhh.

Now Steep is up. It's getting an expansion.  I had no idea the game was successful enough to legitimize one.  The more you knowww.

Woop woop Far Cry 5 is up.  Gorgeous graphics. Isn't this the guy who was hawking their swordplay PvP game last year?

Pardon me, goin' fullscreen. Gameplay!  Looks awesome.  This is... up there on the list of things seen at E3 this year.  Looks awesome.

Now Ubi Montpellier... didn't they HOLY FUCK IS THIS BG&E2?!  Either way it's got an anthropomorphic pig. And a mouthy monkey with a robo arm.

Either way I'm pleased with this.

Holy fuck it is.  I choked up and tears burst out when I saw those green eyes.

Holy shit.

Holy shit!



Story takes place before Jade was born.  "A time where corporations create hybrids in their labs and enslave them to colonize the stars."  The green-eyed lady is named Dakini - it's not Jade, might be her mom.

"A seamless online playground" to explore "by ourselves or with friends."  "We want you to participate in the creation of this game - join our Space Monkey program today."

And that's Ubi's presser!  Very nice, very nice.

Really above-par for Ubi.  But where was

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